SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.
BILL KURTIS: I like beaches, but pools are a threat. So this swimsuit's the best I can get. I get hotter and hotter but won't touch the water. I can't let this swimsuit get...
SAGAL: Yes. No. Wait a minute. That's not exactly right.
SAGAL: Oh, right. Wet. That's it.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Wet. According to the ASOS company, its new swimsuit has a studded neck line and bardot sleeves. And we'll read further down the list of features. You get a high-cut leg and quote, "cannot be worn in water."
SAGAL: So it's not so much a swimsuit as a sadly-watching-other-people-swim suit.
SAGAL: This got a lot of attention on the Internet, as you can imagine, a swimsuit that you cannot wear in the water. You're supposed to figure out how waterproof it is, I guess, before you use it. Like, when you buy it on Amazon, it says customers who bought this also bought an actual swimsuit.
SAGAL: Here, Leia, is your next limerick.
KURTIS: Over me all my screens hold a power. More than 59 minutes per hour. Good for me, this new curtain keeps addiction from hurting. I could now use my phone in the...
(SOUNDBITE FO BELL)
SAGAL: You say that with such sadness, Leia.
SAGAL: Yes. It's so frustrating. Everybody knows that you get to spend every second of your day staring at your wonderful, beautiful phone, except for those horrible wasted minutes that you have to spend taking a shower.
SAGAL: Well, that nightmare has ended thanks to the Screen Holder Shower Curtain. It works just like a regular shower curtain. But it has clear pockets to hold your iPhone or iPad. So you can experience every text, tweet, Snap, Gram and have the world's worst FaceTime call. I'm kind of busy, Mom.
USA IS # 1